Living Fire
by emygrl99
Summary: Sabo is woken by yet another dream of Marineford and left to deal with the debilitating guilt


**Hey! So this was inspired rather spontaneously by a post bigbrosabo made on tumblr, and I actually quite like this so I hope you enjoy!**

 **Beta'd by the lovely shishiswordsman (:**

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Sabo's eyes snapped open as he abruptly awoke from his dream turned nightmare. A choking gasp escaped his lips and he vaulted upright, chest heaving for air. Wide eyes stared into the darkness of his bedroom, trying to confirm that he was in fact awake now, that the nightmares had not followed him to the waking world. He could still see Ace standing there in front of him, every last detail of the dream vividly clear in his mind. He could see the disappointment and anger and utter _betrayal_ in Ace's eyes so clearly that it physically ached. The emotions and accusations in that look twisted something deep within Sabo, and he brought his hands up to rub his face tiredly as he desperately tried to block out those grey eyes and their words.

" _You failed us,"_ they seemed to whisper. _"Where were you? Why didn't you save me?"_ Unanswered questions Sabo had asked himself every single day for the past two years were spat in his face ruthlessly, taking the wind straight out of his lungs.

He tried to blink it away, but the black of his eyelids was no different from the black of the room or the black of his mind. There was no escape from the images, nowhere he could hide to get away from himself. From Ace. From the guilt of the truth. Sabo's head hung low as he rubbed his eyes forcefully, trying to wipe away the thoughts. They assaulted him relentlessly, stabbing in all the places Sabo's defences had long since crumbled.

He _should've_ been there. He _should've_ remembered. He should've done something, _anything_ to keep it from happening _._ He could have made the difference that saved his brother's life, but he didn't, and now Ace was dead. Murdered by those meant to uphold peace and justice.

Sabo wrapped his hands around his head, fingers coiling his hair into painful knots, trying to get a grip of himself. He pulled his up to his chest and leaned forward, eyes squeezed shut so tightly it hurt. The blanket was too heavy, suffocating him, and in a rush of fierce anger Sabo tore it off his body and flung it across the room.

And still the thoughts haunted him.

Ace was back. Only this time, his face was one of surprise, pain, shock as a large fist withdrew from the hole where his chest used to be. Sabo smelled the burnt, charred skin and heard the little gasp that slipped from his brother's lips as if he was standing right next to him. Sabo's own chest ached intolerably, mirroring the unimaginable pain Ace must have felt in that moment.

Sabo heard the sickening thud as Ace first fell to his knees, looking stunned, and then onto his front, face-down in a pool of ever-expanding crimson blood pooling around his now still body. He saw the single tear roll down Ace's face the moment before, when he knew that his life under the sun had come to an end. He heard his only remaining brother's anguished screams as he cried in absolute agony. Luffy, who was now alone- the one thing he'd always hated most, and it was all Sabo's fault.

" _You could have prevented this,"_ a voice whispered.

Sabo's eyes flew open in horror and he woke with a jolt. He'd fallen asleep again. His breaths came in quick pants and he shook his head, trying to shake off the feeling that he was spiraling out of control. Self-hatred coiled hotly within his stomach, crippling him in its intensity. He swung his legs off the bed and was out standing on the balcony within moments, filling his lungs with the cool night air he so desperately needed.

It was silent outside, and a light breeze ruffled his hair, cooling his burning hot skin and soothing his frantic thoughts. Sabo stared out across the barren landscape, bracing himself against the rail. His eyes lifted to the night sky above him, where stars twinkled silently on the inky black canvas, freckling the heavens with their luminescent beauty. Only tonight, there seemed to be a sharp edge to their light, and Sabo could hear their cold whispers being carried by the wind.

" _You're a coward."_

" _You abandoned them."_

" _You're not_ good enough _."_

Sabo's hands found their way to his hair again as he tore his eyes away from the sky and back down to the earth, pulling on the blond strands painfully to block out the stars' cruel truths.

"No," he whispered, voice heavily saturated with pain. He felt like he'd just swallowed a rock.

Sabo opened his eyes and turned around, inhaling sharply in surprise. In front of him stood a familiar figure, warm and strong and reliable in its presence. There was a smirk on his lips and a happiness in his eyes as he regarded Sabo, a sharp contrast to the disdain they'd held only minutes ago. Eyes full of mirth and mischief, Ace took a step back, turning away and taking the moment's elation with him.

"Ace," Sabo breathed, feeling the pressure in his chest twist painfully again at the sight of his long lost brother. Ace said nothing, didn't turn back to listen to whatever meager apology Sabo had to offer. Ace gave him an expectant look, silently daring Sabo to follow him into whatever crazy scheme he was planning next with that trademark smirk of his. " _C'mon Sabo, what're you waiting for?"_

The words 'I'm sorry' burned fiercely in Sabo's mind as he stared at Ace, but his throat constricted when their eyes met, cutting off any words he might've otherwise said. He was left to watch as Ace caught fire and vanished into the flames, one last smile thrown over his shoulder.

Sabo blinked, and Ace was gone.

There was a long stretch of silence as Sabo continued staring at the spot where his brother had been standing. Slowly, he lifted a shaking hand in front of him and closed his eyes, taking in deep, steadying breaths. When they opened again, his fingers were on fire. Sabo watched the fire spread from his fingertips to his palm, to his arms, torso, legs, mind, heart, and soul. He let the flames burn him away, and Sabo wondered if he really could feel a warm body pressed against his own in a hug or if it was just yet another dream his mind had imagined up for him tonight.

The flames danced and swirled all around him, creating mesmerizing, everchanging patterns that consumed him piece by piece. He was no longer Sabo, Chief of Staff of the Revolutionary Army. He was no longer the boy from a city diseased with greed and desire, wondering how the world could be so cruel. He was nobody. He was fire and heat and light and smoke and ash and nothing else.

And when he wasn't anymore, the flames disappeared. Little wisps clung to him for a moment longer, like an old friend unwilling to leave so soon. But they, like everything else, vanished as well, leaving behind a cool imprint on his skin where they'd once been. Sabo opened his eyes, a deep breath expelling itself from his lungs, taking his pain and fears along with it. The cavity it left behind filled with a deep sense of calm and peace, and it brought a smile to his face.

He'd never be perfect, no matter how much he wanted or needed to be. He'd made mistakes in the past, and would continue to do so in the future. The only thing he could do was accept them and ensure they never happened again. Already he was wiser than he'd been in the past, and ten years from now he'd be even wiser than he was now. But at this very moment, he was himself, a culmination of his past and the foundation of his future, one that would be of his own making.

So with one last deep breath, smile slowly growing, Sabo opened his eyes.


End file.
